J-Lo "Pissed" at Losing Fed Slot to Bernanke
Nov 16 2005 by Ross Bender
Are YOU sorry J-Lo lost out on the Fed post?
Yes, because she was all about the Benjamins: 0.0%
No, because she can't even create a decent perfume: 66.7%
Where is Paul Volcker when you need him?: 33.3%
"I am SO pissed" at losing the position of Federal Reserve Bank Chairman,
said Jennifer Lopez today through a spokesman. Lopez, who had been serving as
interim Fed Head during Alan Greenspan's senility, had reportedly expected a
permanent appointment to the job.
However, on October 24 President Bush appointed Princeton University
professor Ben Bernanke, who had been serving as the Chairman of his Council of
Lopez's agent repeated that "Ms. Lopez is SO TOTALLY honked off at losing her
job to that humpty little Ivy League sh**weasel." J-Lo could not be reached
in person for comments, as she was off having her bum waxed in Aruba.
Lopez also strenuously denied through her spokesman that she had ever offered
President Bush a "hum-job" in return for a permanent appointment to the
prestigious post. The Washington Post had reported rumors that Lopez had offered
"inducements" through indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff.
Email traffic between Abramoff and indicted Republican whip Tom DeLay
reportedly included references to a "J-Lo bottom" and "a hummer," although White
House Press Secretary Scott McClellan claimed that the "Hummer" referred to in the
email was not a sex act but an SUV manufactured by General Motors.
McClellan also strenuously denied that President Bush had arranged a meeting
with Gabon President Omar Bongo as a favor to Abramoff, who reportedly
received $9 million from the West African leader.
"President Bush is the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, and
any suggestion that he needs to receive money under the table for a hum job
from the King of Bongo Congo is absolutely despicable," said McClellan. The
transcript of the White House briefing was later altered to read "Hummer" in place
of "hum job."
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