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c : 1 December 2005 • 11:30PM -0500

[Culture] Dress de Rigeur for Y'all Fixer-Uppers
by Benseraglio2


DHHG Proposes Dress Code; Overalls To Be Outlawed
Dec 1 2005 by Tara Zucker
The DHHG Terror Alert: Holiday light displays visible from Jupiter
The Department of Homeland Homes and Gardens, seeking to expand the powers of
the Patriotic Decorating Act, has proposed a Remodeler's Dress Code ("RDC").
The new regulations would restrict the use of clothing that is dirty, torn, or
ill-fitting. Additionally, under the RDC overalls would be completed banned.

According to Secretary Kenneth, who recently returned from a fact-finding
mission in Europe, "The rest of the world hates us. Why? Because of how we dress
when we remodel. They see us as hypocrites. We spend hundreds of thousands of
dollars remodeling our homes, and we're dressed like homeless people. America
is the acknowledged leader in remodeling, but our power is being eroded by our
own lack of regard for world opinion."

Continued Kenneth, "While I in no way endorse actual French d├ęcor (see Homes
Honcho Declares War on French Country), the French people really know how to
put together a smart remodeling outfit. They're brilliant at accessorizing. A
French woman will tie a little scarf around her neck and she's ready to toss
debris into a dumpster with style. A French man will wear a tailored shirt as he
demos a kitchen. The style of dress creates a symbiosis with the architecture
that allows the remodeling process to fully actualize."

--for the rest of Tara's article visit

Ross Bender

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